Tag: Miley Cyrus

Chapter 1: Seize The Day

A morning with my frail 91-year-old mam, music playing in my ears, became the unexpected starting point for a book about life, self-love, resilience and the importance of seizing the day.

I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in the sand
Talk to myself for hours
Say things you don't understand
I can take myself dancing
And I can hold my own hand
Yeah, I can love me better
than you can.

Excerpt from “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus (January 2023).


My lightbulb moment arrived towards the end of January 2023. Wearing my blue AfterShokz headphones loosely around my neck, I listened to music from my phone while feeding my frail 91-year-old mam ten days before she passed away.

We had Strawberry Ensure, but she noticed I was not entirely present. It may have been that she had not seen me wear this funny-looking thing before. In any case, Miley Cyrus was in my head.

Mam looked at me like she always did, and I realised she had noticed something. However, she could not put it into words, given her state of mind. She had retreated to a lonely place, where high walls kept almost everything in.

This book is the result of my morning with Mam and the music in my ears.

For What It’s Worth

Firstly, I was struck by the words: Say things you don’t understand. By January 2023, Mam was in a silent, confused world. Her mind, once sharp as a pin, had changed utterly. My sisters and brothers went back to basics: Are you ok, Mam? Are you comfortable? Have you any pain? Is there anything we can get you?

Meanwhile, we might be discussing her care needs, in many instances in her presence, but Mam’s horizons could not process these things. Medicines, prescriptions, rotas, interactions with carers and palliative care nurses, WhatsApp updates, logging our actions to keep our team aware of the latest twists and turns of our world, even to the extent that if an unannounced HIQA home inspection were to occur, we knew that everything was as it should be for such a wonderful mother. Sadly, she no longer
understood the reality of her situation. But, our reality brought us a real sense of appreciation.

If we could get a big smile from her, we would share the story with the others. It became an exercise in feather-gathering! Today, as I was changing bedsheets with a Home Instead carer, I told Mam it was a
beautiful day outside. Immediately, I launched into a story that was not true at all, yet I knew full well that it was the type of story that Mam could process.

“When I was teaching in Ballinameela,” I said, “a boy in my class used the word
beautifuler. ‘Daddy’s car is beautiful, but mammy’s car is beautifuler!’, he said.”
If Carlsberg did big cheesy smiles, Mam would have won the prize! No words, but the most beautiful smile. “Yes,” I said to the boy, “Your mammy’s car is more beautiful.” I mentioned to MamI did not want to tell the boy there is no such word. Mam liked this story very much, after which she promptly returned to her mind surrounded by high walls. We could only watch from outside.

Another thing that strikes me when I think about this verse is that we must seize the
day. Life is short. It is very precious, and there are no guarantees for tomorrow. In my case, I can buy flowers. I can take go dancing, and I can write my name. There will come a day when my mind, body, or both will not be up to such things. I hope this book will be republished many
times before this situation comes to me.

Here’s my final thought, for what it’s worth: I can love myself better. You were a
wonderful mother. You showed us how to love. Repeatedly, you gave us the love we needed. You were our role model. In the blink of an eye, it was our turn to care for you. Upon reflection, it is just as important to love ourselves. I am deeply aware that there have been difficult times when I could not like myself and love myself as my inner being needed.

Nowadays, I have mental strategies and practical routines that have strengthened my resilience. No doubt, I will face further difficult times in my life. There will be tears ahead, but I know that I can talk positively to myself for hours, make the very best of a given situation, and have a deep sense of the importance of my life to me and others. Happily, I can hold my own hand.

Over To You

  • What insights do you have about yourself or those close to you?
  • What do the words of the verse mean for you?
  • What is your story? Could you write it?
  • What music resonates with you?
  • Consider writing your book. Is this an impossible task? This question is repeated at the end of the final chapter. Between this and then, do ponder on filling your blank
    pages.