Introduction
This book has been in my head for ten years. For many of these years, writing a book was simply a vague wish. I did not know what I wanted to write about. Furthermore, I did not know if I wanted to write fact or fiction. During the years of Covid, I considered the matter further, yet nothing came of it.
In July 2022, I once again brought the project to the forefront of my mind and attempted to develop a clear plan. I affirmed that, by the end of the year, I would have decided what my book would be about. As the months passed and the new year rolled in, my plan stuttered fatally into oblivion. I did resolve to be gentle with the process. It would be best, I reminded myself, not to force the issue. Likely, the penny would drop when the time was right. The lightbulb would glare, and the bath would overflow. I would be on my way to writing my book.
The inspiration struck one morning with my Mam, two weeks before she died. You will read about it in Chapter 1.
In each chapter, I start with a few lines, sometimes an entire verse, from a song or a poem and offer my thoughts as I attempt to fit the lyrics into my life experience. As you read further, you will see my catchphrase regularly: For What It’s Worth. I offer these insights based on my values, thoughts and emotions. In this way, the book is largely autobiographical.
My stories, memories and experiences are laid before you throughout. There are sixty-five episodes in my life story, exactly matching my age. They cover my childhood, school, college, work, family and retirement years. Within these pages are my selected memories, but you will also discover my strengths, frailties, fears and hopes. These chapters are not in sequence. I flit forwards and backwards throughout. As a result, you may opt to pick a chapter at random. Dip in wherever you choose.
For the past fifteen years, I have kept a journal. Therefore, rather than reinventing the wheel, some entries are included here, edited for clarity. Additionally, I have written some poetry and fiction in recent years. Initially, I dismissed including fiction in my memoir. It did not fit in with the genre. As the book progressed, I had second thoughts. Why not include fiction and poetry? After all, this is my book. I can choose what goes in and what gets binned. So, while it is not conventional wisdom, it is important to me. There’s a rebel streak beneath the surface.
I have one other important reason for writing. There is a clear possibility that dementia will be part of my final decade of life. Knowing how dementia affected my Mam, I want to be able to confirm that what my loved ones tell me is entirely accurate. I will doubt them and think they are misleading me. I will become frustrated that my recollections of significant life events are crumbling around me. I will move beyond frustration to a different perception of my world. I will see loved ones and carers attempting to recreate my broken head. I have given instructions to have this book nearby, in the hope that I will recognise myself. When my memory of events is gone, I may still recognise myself in my turn of phrase and strange wit. If I am wrong, I will not know I’m wrong, so it does not matter at all. The grander scheme of things will continue in my absence of mind.
Throughout this book, there are references encouraging you to write. Your life experiences are unique. I urge you to put your thoughts on paper, whether privately or for publication. Do not judge your efforts harshly. I can offer this insight: the process of writing is cathartic. By reading my story, you can look within yourself. I promise you that the journey is worthwhile. Indeed, you are worth it!
You can start by keeping a journal. Your journal could be a factual account of events, and you may decide to add your feelings and emotions, the ups and downs of life. On the other hand, it could be fiction, poetry or drawings. Your journal is the essence of you.
A recent interview concerning memoir writing by J. R. Moehringer brought this interesting insight:
“Strange as it may seem, memoir is not about you. It’s not even the story of your life. It’s a story carved from your life, a particular series of events chosen because they have the greatest resonance for the widest range of people.”
I invite you into my particular series of life events and to reflect upon the issues that arise within these pages.
For What It’s Worth, it’s a wonderful life.
