Here’s my final edition of ‘News, Notes and Nonsense’ for September 2026 — six items from the week, and one fake item. You’ll find news ranging from the serious to the ridiculous, with a weighted predisposition the latter.
- 🇦🇺 Australian police stopped a man who was steering his car with his knees while buttering a bagel. The fine was $1104 and three points. I’ve taken the liberty of adding to the story… The officer 👮 said: “Sir, keep both hands on the bagel. The butter can wait.”
- 🇨🇦 World Cycling 🚴 Championships are in Canada this week. Dungarvan’s David and Kilmac’s Hugh Óg will represent Ireland in Under-23 and Junior. Hon the boys! 👏
- 🇨🇭 A Swiss cable-car operator suspended service for 11 minutes after a passenger tried to validate a 1978 ski pass. The ticket still beeped. Inspectors later found it had been laminated to a hotel soap wrapper.
- 🇮🇪 Ireland play Israel twice next week. ⚽ We have a weird way of saying we want to take a stand without actually doing so. The “away” game is in Hungary. 🇭🇺 The “home” game is in Serbia 🇷🇸 in October behind closed doors. Neither is in Ireland or Israel. Dumb and dumber!
- 🏴 Tyne Green Parkrun 🏃 gave an award for the oldest Great North Run T-shirt: 1981, worn by a man who ran it at 13 when nobody had invented a minimum age. The prize was described as something money cannot buy, and that nobody would pay money for anyway.
- 🇺🇸 The Big Toddler announced that CNN, MS NOW and Politico were banned from the White House for writing things he did not enjoy reading. 🙈 Reading? That’s a higher level skill. Rephrase: banned for reporting things he doesn’t like listening to. Viewpoint discrimination.
- 🇺🇸 In Florida, a buck 🦌 entered a house and ended up in the bathroom. Deputies eventually got it outside, where it promptly fell into the swimming pool — escaped — and then apparently decided on one more swim before disappearing. 🦌
Return for more News, Notes & Nonsense next week.
P.
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